I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
