Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
