Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
