I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize