What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
