youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
