SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
FUCK WHALES
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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