Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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