apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
