how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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