I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
