Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my liver is dry heaving
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
