enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
