You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
