Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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