The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
