He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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