Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
