i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize