just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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