But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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