remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
