that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I want to fling myself into the sun
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
