I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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