I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
