I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
