I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
