i think my tv is drunk
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize