your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
