my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
