you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
