i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
