I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize