While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
