Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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