I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
