ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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