I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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