Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
