i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
