he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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