sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
