we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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