His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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