she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
