Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%