none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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