4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the condom got lost in my hair
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.