Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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