Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.