Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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