Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
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She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is the high leading the old right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
