operation harelip BJ is a go
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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