So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
