I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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