Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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