Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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