you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
