I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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