why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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