Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
