i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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