Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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