Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize