after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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