Christians are straight up FREAKS
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
