will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
