I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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