YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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