dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
