Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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