apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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