it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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