He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
